Introducing the Lokarto 3220

Announcer: Introducing the Lokarto 3220, Lokarto Engineering’s newest weapon in the war against fascism. Lokarto Engineering, the most trusted name in contraband logistics, has spent nearly one decade empowering those who despise the law and those who love the law but are sometimes forced by circumstances to break it repeatedly.

Cleverly disguised as a mummified tiger head, the Lokarto 3220 can easily conceal a gun or gun-sized lump of drugs. It’s the quality that counts, and this partial-imitation, ultra-realistic mummified tiger head is handmade and will blow you away- both with its utility clip and with it chemically simulated tiger smell.

Man: I’m very proud of my Lokarto 2610, it’s definitely the nicest thing I own. I guess you could say I’m totally looking forward to the 3220. I can’t wait to get to work smuggling the severed penises of ex-presidents in it.

Announcer: Lokarto Engineering salutes the flag unless that flag is tainted and corrupted, which is sadly often the case. That’s where the new 3220 can take up the fight with you. Just ask Lokarto founder and CEO Dr. Churk Buckles:

Dr. Churk Buckles: The only better way to disguise your trafficables as a mummified tiger head is to feed them to a tiger, cut off its head and mummify it. For legal reasons, we can’t get into specifics, but let’s put it this way- we’re halfway to doing that already at this point. You won’t find a better device.

Announcer: The brand-new for 1999 Lokarto 3220. It’s not a smuggling aid- it’s a revolution.